Yesterday was Day 2 of Chinese New Year and we were all gathered at my aunt's place for the usual festivities. Halfway through the nicest lunch I've eaten there in nine years (ayam buah keluah!!!), a family arrived for visitation. They were introduced as the family of my mom's cousin (he is a pastor). I feel a need to mention that because I have a pretty low tolerance for Hallelujahs and their kind.
The young stranger that came with them sat down with my 92-year old quadriplegic Ah Ma, held her hands, looked deeply and earnestly into her eyes for a good half an hour. Even then, it didn't once occur to cynical old me that he was brainwashing her; it just struck me as odd that someone would display such keen interest in an immobile nonagenarian. Apparently this Brylcreemed-to-death tub of lard was my mom's cousin's daughter's boyfriend (this would be the first time we were meeting him).
So there I was, seated at the dinner table, licking inky buah keluah off my fingers and partaking in a lively conversation with my dad about internet TV. Suddenly, Mr Brylcreem stood up and grandly announced to my aunt in the presence of all, "I have spoken to your mom. She is ready to accept Christ." Jesus, all that was missing were the trumpets that heralded his announcement.
KNN, all conversation immediately ground to an abrupt and stunned halt. You could almost go around scooping everyone's jaws off their laps. I think I may have squirted buah keluah out of my nostrils from being subjected to such trauma. My aunt (who is herself a Christian) recovered her composure and firmly told him, "I don't think so. My mom is senile and barely knows what she's saying. Five minutes later, she will forget she even said that."
Mind you hor, my Ah Ma has been a staunchly pious Taoist devout her entire life, until stroke rendered her a near-vegetable and senility ravaged her lao tao nao. When she was mobile, she would worship and pray to every Taoist deity until the cows came home. How dare this pompous s.o.b. guest of a guest presume to practice his brand of Christian fanaticism in my aunt's home! We were, of course, too polite to tell the jackass off to his face, but the bombarding came fast and furious after his group left.
My dad (he's agnostic) was especially tulan, ranting, "It's precisely the predatory behavior of fanatics like these that besmirch the good name of Christianity! He was preying on Grandma's fears to manipulate her into converting." Everyone agreed that it wasn't right. If and when any one of us decides to embrace religion, we know exactly where and who to turn to without being told.
I know it's irrational to be tulan with my Ah Ma, given her pitiful circumstances, but I am. She is actually entertaining thoughts of converting this late in life because she felt that Taoism let her down. What the fuck?? I cannot tahan simpleton mentality like this lor. Her sense of entitlement where religion is concerned is astounding. To her 简单头脑, religion is an investment that should and must reap rich rewards and earn her a rightful place in Heaven *major eyeball rolling*. The fact that she's been supposedly pious her whole life and still winds up in the state that she is today...her puny mind just cannot compute how and why. Frankly I'm quite disgusted that she banked in religion for her own selfish agenda. Not to sound harsh or mean, but what distinguishes her from the suicide bombers? Both are fanatics (albeit in different degrees) in pursuit of a common ultimate goal...to get their asses through the Pearly Gates.
If you're guessing that I'm not too fond of Ah Ma, you're right. I've never liked her attitude towards religion and how she's always imposed on her loved ones, bossing them around like they're chess pieces on a board. It's a known fact that the Nonyas are very much a matriarchal society, and until her physical downfall, she'd always ruled her family with an iron fist. She refused to let my mom pursue her dream of flying because "air-stewardesses are sluts who sleep with pilots." *peng san* She was damn heng to have my mom as her daughter lor, everything also "yes, Ah Mak". Because if she kena me as her daughter, I sure aspire to be a bargirl and marry a Hokkien butcher just to spite her.
As for whether or not she should convert to Christianity, there's a time and place for such solemnities to be decided/executed. During a CNY visitation with an unfamiliar household isn't one of them lor. I liken these sanctimonious preachers to demons who should be cast out of homes, minds and bodies. So there!