Babi's 32nd Bird Day

My smerri babi turned 32 today. And he was not a pleased moorwen. Kept lamenting about what an old man he's become. "Embrace your old age with grace." I told him. "Welcome to another day closer to the grave." Morbid lah, I know. But that's the way we talk to one other. Hey, whatever keeps our marriage afloat. :p

For the emperor's big day, I conspired with my MIL to surprise him with a homemade birthday cake. I put two and two together and came up with the bright idea to make sweet potato huat kway. Since MIL is so into her huat kway-making phase now and my babi is a such huge fan of sweet potato, well, you get my drift lah.

TA-DAAH!! Presenting my babi's birthday cake (completely unfindable anywhere else)...


It was supposed to be a surprise and I already pakat with MIL and FIL to keep it hush-hush so that we could present it to him, birthday candle and all. But big-mouth BIL had to blow the secret by announcing to my babi the minute he flounced in through the front door. "Aye, they made birthday cake for you leh." *slaps forehead* DUH!

Birthday presents. Who can do without them? No one, that's who. Despite my babi's violent protests that no pressies were required, blah blah, I could just tell that he did not mean one word of it. Like any other pressie-hungering moorwen, he was just gagging for me to bestow upon him an awe-inspiring gift that would prove just how deep my love for him is. Kekekekeke! After all, why would anyone keep hinting a month before his birthday..."Aye, don't buy for me anything ah. Really leh, I don't need anything." Ingenious. LOL!

I mean, seriously, can you say no when your hubby makes this face at you...


....while standing in the midst of some very fine watches at Dickson? Ok ok, so I caved in to my babi's sad puppy eyes and dropped some serious dough on his birthday pressie. I mean, can any softhearted woman say no to a face like this? I think not lor.

So I whipped out my plastic and handed it over for Babi's much-lemmed-for BALL watch. Akan datang for a pic on this bank-breaking investment. It's ok...all I have to do is eat giam pia and grass for remaining months of 2009. About time I went on a diet anyway. Besides, anything for my moorwen is worth it. :p

Finisher of 42km

Got the cert. 1 strike off my list & many more to go. Timing sucks!

She is ready to accept Christ

Yesterday was Day 2 of Chinese New Year and we were all gathered at my aunt's place for the usual festivities. Halfway through the nicest lunch I've eaten there in nine years (ayam buah keluah!!!), a family arrived for visitation. They were introduced as the family of my mom's cousin (he is a pastor). I feel a need to mention that because I have a pretty low tolerance for Hallelujahs and their kind.

The young stranger that came with them sat down with my 92-year old quadriplegic Ah Ma, held her hands, looked deeply and earnestly into her eyes for a good half an hour. Even then, it didn't once occur to cynical old me that he was brainwashing her; it just struck me as odd that someone would display such keen interest in an immobile nonagenarian. Apparently this Brylcreemed-to-death tub of lard was my mom's cousin's daughter's boyfriend (this would be the first time we were meeting him).

So there I was, seated at the dinner table, licking inky buah keluah off my fingers and partaking in a lively conversation with my dad about internet TV. Suddenly, Mr Brylcreem stood up and grandly announced to my aunt in the presence of all, "I have spoken to your mom. She is ready to accept Christ." Jesus, all that was missing were the trumpets that heralded his announcement.

KNN, all conversation immediately ground to an abrupt and stunned halt. You could almost go around scooping everyone's jaws off their laps. I think I may have squirted buah keluah out of my nostrils from being subjected to such trauma. My aunt (who is herself a Christian) recovered her composure and firmly told him, "I don't think so. My mom is senile and barely knows what she's saying. Five minutes later, she will forget she even said that."

Mind you hor, my Ah Ma has been a staunchly pious Taoist devout her entire life, until stroke rendered her a near-vegetable and senility ravaged her lao tao nao. When she was mobile, she would worship and pray to every Taoist deity until the cows came home. How dare this pompous s.o.b. guest of a guest presume to practice his brand of Christian fanaticism in my aunt's home! We were, of course, too polite to tell the jackass off to his face, but the bombarding came fast and furious after his group left.

My dad (he's agnostic) was especially tulan, ranting, "It's precisely the predatory behavior of fanatics like these that besmirch the good name of Christianity! He was preying on Grandma's fears to manipulate her into converting." Everyone agreed that it wasn't right. If and when any one of us decides to embrace religion, we know exactly where and who to turn to without being told.

I know it's irrational to be tulan with my Ah Ma, given her pitiful circumstances, but I am. She is actually entertaining thoughts of converting this late in life because she felt that Taoism let her down. What the fuck?? I cannot tahan simpleton mentality like this lor. Her sense of entitlement where religion is concerned is astounding. To her 简单头脑, religion is an investment that should and must reap rich rewards and earn her a rightful place in Heaven *major eyeball rolling*. The fact that she's been supposedly pious her whole life and still winds up in the state that she is today...her puny mind just cannot compute how and why. Frankly I'm quite disgusted that she banked in religion for her own selfish agenda. Not to sound harsh or mean, but what distinguishes her from the suicide bombers? Both are fanatics (albeit in different degrees) in pursuit of a common ultimate goal...to get their asses through the Pearly Gates.

If you're guessing that I'm not too fond of Ah Ma, you're right. I've never liked her attitude towards religion and how she's always imposed on her loved ones, bossing them around like they're chess pieces on a board. It's a known fact that the Nonyas are very much a matriarchal society, and until her physical downfall, she'd always ruled her family with an iron fist. She refused to let my mom pursue her dream of flying because "air-stewardesses are sluts who sleep with pilots." *peng san* She was damn heng to have my mom as her daughter lor, everything also "yes, Ah Mak". Because if she kena me as her daughter, I sure aspire to be a bargirl and marry a Hokkien butcher just to spite her.

As for whether or not she should convert to Christianity, there's a time and place for such solemnities to be decided/executed. During a CNY visitation with an unfamiliar household isn't one of them lor. I liken these sanctimonious preachers to demons who should be cast out of homes, minds and bodies. So there!

Schwimming schwimming

Haro everyone, it's been so long since I posted something on Ah Pek and Ah Um's blog. I hope you didn't miss me too much...hehe. I've been busy throwing tantrums and generally making a nuisance of myself (e.g., like insisting on wearing my Princess dress when it's still hanging out to dry and going absolutely psycho when told that I can't). But last Sunday's schwimming schwimming was so fun I have to blog about it.

You know hor, kids like me are so gian to go gai gai I will lie just to go out. Actually I woke up with some kinda tummy bug on Saturday liao. I had totally no appetite, which was not only weird to Ah Pek and Ah Um, but a freaking anomaly lor. If there's one thing I'm never without, it's my appetite to mum mum. I thought it was strange myself when my favorite McDonald's kiddy breakfast failed to make me lao nua. I mean, not only did I not lao nua, there was actually no nua to lao. The sight of my favorite pancakes make me nauseous. But you know what, I'd much rather be whupped than admit I'm sick lor. Pass up my chance to go schwimming schwimming? Neber!

So I pasted on my bravest face and decided the show must die die go on. Tell me if I don't look to-die-for cute in my pink swimsuit? I think I do lor. Absolutely like bak zhang hor? Now imagine me in an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini. Hullllooooo....take a queue at the back of the mile-long line if you're thinking of adopting me. Me not shui bian wun lor. However, I will consider going home with you if you hand over that packet of chocolate Pocky. Keke.

Anyway, it was an early rise-and-shine. Ah Pek burst into the room and woke us all up in his usual bright and cheery manner that I sooo adore. I was sleepy as hell, but upon hearing that we were going schwimming schwimming, I flew out of bed in a hurry. Damn if I'm going to be left behind lor. After an unappetizing McDonald's brekkie which I forced myself to swallow a few pieces of pancake (entirely for Ah Pek and Ah Um's benefit, lest they think I'm too sick and cancel schwimming schwimming...horrors!), we headed for the new Sengkang Swimming Complex. Yipppeeeee!!!

Me and my favorite person in the whole wide world. Me and Ah Pek are like sooo tight lor. No one can break our bond. How much do I love Ah Pek? Hmmm, let me count thee ways...
1) I love Ah Pek for bringing me go gai gai every weekend, no matter how tired he is.
2) I love Ah Pek for buying me Yakult every time.
3) I love Ah Pek for feeding me Pocky every time.
4) I love Ah Pek for bringing me to McDonald's for brekkie and my favorite French fries.
5) I love Ah Pek for the expensive Baby Gap clothes that he buys me.
6) I love Ah Pek for bringing me to the movies and for the huge tubs of popcorn and giant Cokes for me to slurp on. Sorry I fell asleep at Wall.E...it was too chim for my puny head to comprehend.
7) I love Ah Pek because he spoils me silly and entertains me all the time, even when I demand he accompany me watch Doraemon and Barney for like the 10,000th time.
8) I love Ah Pek because he cheers me up and makes me laugh.
9) I love Ah Pek because he never says no to me.
10) I love Ah Pek because he bring me go schwimming schwimming.
11) I love Ah Pek because he is my one and only Ah Pek. :)
12) Oh yeah, I definitely love Ah Pek because he orders Ah Um to make Ribena for me. Ah Um is damn lousy. She is like sooo lazy she can't even run a simple errand for me lor *rolls eyeballs*.

Ah Pek lancing lancing wif me in the jacuzzi. Bet Ah Um is jealous lor. I mean, Ah Pek never even lancing lancing wif her. Ne ni ne ni boo boo to her lor. I have Ah Pek all to myself.

Ah Pek and I doing our NZ Samoan warrior thing. Ah Pek can give Gene Simmons a run for his money, but not me lor. All I have is a short, under-developed stump of a tongue. Neber mind, at least I gave it my best shot. I always have lots of fun making funny faces and posing wif Ah Pek.

Nabeh, I want to go that way; Ah Pek wants to go this way. I dun care! I die die must have my way, otherwise I will kao peh until the whole schwimming structure collapses. That's just the way it's gonna be. My way or the high way.

In case you haven't noticed, I happen to be Ah Pek's favorite arm ornament. He has me on his arm everywhere we go. Who ask me to be born so to-die-for cute leh? Boh pian. Ah Pek simply cannot resist the urge to pick me up and swing me to the skies. Weeeeeeeeee!!!

That's Ah Pek hitting the water feet up, making quite a splash there. Whooshing down the yellow and blue slides respectively are my cousins, Peixian and Peiyi. Nabeh, win liao lor! Everyone had tons of fun playing with the slides except me. Just cuz I'm little, the lifeguards see me no up and refused me access to the slides. Bloody spoiler! I was so furious I sulked and threw a hissy fit in public. How dare they!!

The first time Ah Pek and Ah Um took me schwimming schwimming at Tampines Swimming Complex. I was a chicken shit and didn't dare take the water slide by myself. After riding pillion a few times on their thighs, I decided to give it a go. Not so difficult after all. Now that I know how to slide on my own, I how lian yaya papaya and refuse to stick to Ah Pek and Ah Um liao...everything must do by myself. I'm an independent woman in the making ok...mai pray pray hor!

Anyway, Sunday's schwimming schwimming ended wif me lao sai in my pants (told you I had a bad tummy when I woke up). Orh-be-good...Ah Um was ordered by Ah Pek to clean me up. Not only she had to clean me up *sticks out tongue at Ah Um*, I earned myself a gorgeous new dress becuz I couldn't very well walk around wif shit in my pants, could I? Wooo hooo!

My take on Sunday Dragons

Had a discussion online last nite with Kennix & XP on the team. XP insisted that we are too -ve and it has affected the morale of the team. She can't understand why we set standard 'so high' and who did we base it on. Is the team consulted? And are we fair to the team when they failed to reach the standard set by just a few of us? She also claimed that the team feels louzy and pressurised to go for training as not all enjoys training.

I agree with her to a certain extent, but my Q is what the direction of the team is? Do we want to compete? When we race, do we want get whacked or do we want to be united as a team and put up one helluva fight? If we do not mind getting whacked all the time, I agree our training is too tough and we got to relax. If we want to see results, then we got to train hard. There is simply no other way to achieve results. XP commented on how -ve we are & why we can’t look at the +ve side of things. Instead of showing our disappointment that onli 3 turned up for training, we should be happy that there are 3 and look forward to more. Haha. That I can't agree with as db is a team sport and every1 needs to have a common goal. Every1 should try to work towards it hand in hand de mah. It is not that we do not want to encourage the team or look at the +ve pts, but the truth is there is not much +vity displayed by the team at all. I really dun understand the pt of saying 'well done!' when it is really crappy lor. It might sound lame, but before pple start complaining; maybe they should reflect on what they have done for the team instead of asking what the team can do for them.

I have to clarify that the committee is not the 1 that sets the standard of how fit or how hard 1 should train. The standard is set by the rowing community who is competing in the same sport as us. The team indicated that they would like to do better for future races after the June race and that is the onli way to do it. Work hard, put in more effort instead of complaining & living in your own world. The team wants to be better without effort. How can that be possible??? I am really tired and sian leow. I think this will most probably be Sunday Dragons’ last race if we are competing in the Regatta.